Today, I got hurt. For the last year I have been emotionally manipulated and used by a younger woman for... What I can only describe as "shits and giggles." Her anguished declaration of "like" two nights prior was just a gambit in her scheme to anger her ex (who, yes, is your standard issue definition of a "bad boy," but I call bullshit on anyone who makes the "nice guys finish last" argument, so I won't make it here). This is not a new phenomenon.
The first time I ever "fell in love" with anyone, it was a particularly comely maid with psychological stability comparable to a stack of cards in a gale force wind. For four years she built me up and broke me down with such finesse and efficiency that I simultaneously applaud her for her skill and myself for my gullability and unerring faith in mankind.
She now sleeps with her cousin.
But seriously. I'm not even mad at them. I would drop whatever I'm doing and run to them till my feet bled if they ever claimed to "need me," even if I knew in my heart that it was a lie. I am an utter pushover, I actively WANT to be somebody's bitch, or whipped (I don't know how to write that sound effect phonetically) as it were. I am an on call doormat, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I acknowledge that this is a serious psychological problem... and I don't care.
I may be a pushover, but I refuse to change that. Ever. People may shit on me, may abuse my "kindness" (I've placed that in quotation marks because I am NOT glorifying my behaviour, I see it for how stupid it truly is). For every user out there, there is another person in genuine need of help. If you give up on the rest of humanity just because one or two bad apples have broken your heart, then... Well...
You're kind of an idiot.
(But I'll still give you a hug)
